Hating Myself to Death
by DumaFire
Summary: Karkat attempts to commit suicide, and is saved by Dave and the others who proceed to try and stop him from cutting. Karkat however, can not deal with this sudden change, and the anxiety of it all ends up breaking him. Can they save him before it's too late? Rated M for blood and gore.


**A/N: This story revolves around the idea that Karkat has been doing this for a long time. At first, he started cutting for a sense of relief, but ended up hating himself for it. Alas, the more he hated himself for it, the more he cut. This started off slowly, over time. He almost got himself to stop, but then as everything he knew began crashing down around him, it came back tenfold. He cut in secret, and never thought he would be discovered. When he finally was, he had no way of knowing how to deal with it, and the anxiety just made him crash completely. After all, it wasn't him that wanted to stop. It was his friends that did. And it's his friends who need to help him back on his feet again, so that things don't escalate even further. **

**This story has been changed from second person into third person because for some reason second person is so terrifying to blows your fucking mind out and unicorns reign from the sky to bring terror over us all. The original story is on A03. Don't expect this version to be as good in any way, shape, or form. Actually, expect it to be so much worse because it doesn't have the original feel of the actual Homestuck-theme of this fanfic. The layout is completely fucked now. **

**Wow and apparently I cant even fucking put characters names in front of their dialogue for like 5 lines of text, either. Otherwise, the world will explode and unicorns will set the remains of fire. **

**Please take note of this before you comment.**

**== Dave: Question Karkat **

Dave notices a familiar face walk by. Karkat looks like he's lost in his own thoughts, and seems upset somehow. He probably doesn't notice him, because he continues walking with that same, sad face on. Finding this a bit strange, Dave stop him. "Hey Dude," he greets. Karkat snaps out of whatever it was he was in. He gives you one of his casual looks, as if someone pissed in his apple juice or something. "Hey Dave," he replies.

"what's up"  
"NOTHING. JUST TIRED."  
"are you sure"  
"I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP IN A WHILE. THAT'S ALL."  
"maybe you should watch one of your boring movies"  
"those things could put anybody to sleep"  
"I GUESS. SOUNDS LIKE AN IDEA, AT LEAST."  
"of course its a good idea. i recommended it"  
"I'LL SEE YOU LATER THEN. BYE, DAVE."  
"okay later dude"

Dave watches him walk off, and watches him head over to his room. He wonders if the movies or whatever will cheer him up, if anything. Maybe he can check up on him later.

**== Dave: Find Karkat**

Dave doesn't know what you mean by "Find Karkat." He knows where he is, after all. He head over to his respiteblock after passing Terezi in the hallway. He gives her a thumbs up, and she gives him one back, laughing a bit. These two are cool as fuck.

Dave makes his way over to Karkat's room, but something startles him before he knocks. He hears a small whimpering from behind the door, and it sounds like someone was in pain...? He has a bad feeling in his gut, growing steadily as he realizes that something was wrong with this picture. He opens the door, and the sight from behind it is almost enough to make his heart stop beating entirely. His jaw drops, his eyes widen, and he can't believe his eyes.

This never should have happened.

Karkat is curled up on the floor, blood dripping from his wrists. He held his sickle in his hands, shakily. Dave could see him dig it into his chest, going in an inch or two. He run over to him, watching as he writhes about. Dave winces at the sight of him weakly trying to dig his sickle in even further, and picks him up off of the ground. He carefully remove his hands from the sickle, and notices the tears flowing down his closed eyes. He was still and quiet, other than his edgy breathing, and his rampant heartbeats. He becomes limp in Dave's arms, hands falling to both of his sides. He rushes out of his respiteblock, feeling almost as if he were walking on air because of how fast he rushes the small troll down the hallway. Every second feels like an eternity as he makes his way over to Kanaya's room, frantically knocking on the door. Fuck, this all could have been avoided. If only he knew what he had been planning. Fuck-

**== Karkat: Wake up**

Karkat's body feels like it is made out of lead, and he can feel a burning pain from the wounds he had created earlier. He can hear some whispering from around the room, and a soft hand brushes against his forehead. Steadily but surely, the voices begin to grow clearer as the moments go by. After a bit, he finally manages to catch some of the things being said.

"I believe that he is finally waking up. Please, bring something with sugar in it if you may," a familiar, gentle voice spoke. He open your eyes, the blurry words around him coming into focus ever so slowly. He recognizes the familiar shape of Kanaya as she addresses Dave, and he rushes off. Karkat can feel something beside him, a weight of sorts, next to him on the bed. He turns his head to see Terezi siting on a chair besides him, fast asleep. Her arms were crossed over the bed, with her head laying on top of them. She was only a small distance away from his arm, too. Speaking of his arms, both of them had been bandaged from just under his shoulders to the palm of his hands. This is the price he has to pay for being caught too early.

Dave returns to the room with the Mayor by his side. Dave had a cup of instant noodles in one hand, and a cup of juice in the other. Some of the only meals that everyone could actually eat on this god forsaken meteor. He hands them over to Kanaya, and she walks over to Karkat. It takes a moment for his mind to actually register what was going on, seeing as he was still quite dizzy and tired. He sits up, and winces a bit at the pain that radiates from his chest. It must be the wound he had created earlier, before he lost consciousness. It was all just a blurry mess to him, really. Kanaya helps him sit up, and Terezi doesn't so much as even stir as he moves.

His bandaged arms were hard as fuck to work with, so he didn't complain when Kanaya began to spoon-feed him. Dave and the Mayor were quiet as they watched. He couldn't understand what the emotion on Dave's face was. It was probably just him being expressionless, as always. Although, something seemed different about it. Then again, he couldn't really tell with those large shades that cover most of his face. The Mayor, however, was easier to read. He had a look of genuine concern on, and it looked as if he were debating to leave him alone or come over. Karkat feels like a mummy, wrapped up in all of these fucking bandages. Nobody said a things about it, though. He assumes they wouldn't want to try and upset him after everything that happened. And of course, he's right.

He wants to say something. A part of of him wants to run up to everyone and tell them how sorry he is. Sorry that he was such a fucking failure. Sorry that he fucked everything up. Another part of him wants to yell at them for interfering, and not letting you carry out something he desperately has been trying to do. In the end, he was just quiet, letting the silence fill the room until Kanaya finally broke it. "Are you feeling any better?" she asks, and he nods ever so slightly. "You scared the living shit out of us, dude," Dave comments. Karkat looks down at the bandages on his arm again, and he catches Kanaya giving Dave a quick look. "Sorry," he replies.

**== Karkat: Notice Something. Or rather, Someone.**

**A/N: This story is not going to be continued on here. Only the original will be continued, and it will be up on Archive Of Our Own Works. Sorry.**


End file.
